Category: Life (Page 1 of 3)

Forgiveness

Over the past twenty years or so we have constantly being told that forgiving is not for “them”, it’s for “us”, for ourselves to be at peace.

Anyone that has been a parent in the last 20 years will tell you that if your child is constantly bullied at school they are not permitted to defend themselves because “we don’t tolerate violence”.

The problem is that the bully bullies everyone, every day, and nothing is done to that bully. I’ve had this discussion with a many principals,

teachers, and year coordinators over the years. It is always the same thing, “violence is never OK“. It seems that it is OK for the bully to terrorise all the kids he wants as long as those victims never defend themselves because in that case “violence is not OK“.

I’m not suggesting that violence is the way to get through life, by no means, but they have been conditioning and indoctrinating children to never stick up for themselves, to just take whatever is thrown at them, to be docile, and to be a good little monkey for when they grow up.

As adults we are told that forgiveness is king, to let it go, to find peace by understanding the wrong doers, to be an evolved being etc. You know the drill. We hear it all the time, “Just forgive, man. It’s dragging you down”. My favourite, “Hating someone is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die”. Or words to that effect.

I don’t agree with any of this nonsense!

Forgiving those that are not a constant in your life is easy. You simply walk away and forget about them, but there are many billions or people in the world and you don’t have to allow even a small percentage of them get you down.

Constantly and perpetually forgiving someone that is in your life, perhaps a narcissistic parent, child, sibling, spouse, boss, friend etc. is not an absolute requirement, though. The idea is to take steps to either remove that harmful person from your life or to remove yourself from their life. These people are who they are and will never change. (See the story about the scorpion and the frog).

If you are constantly forgiving your aggressors, in their mind you are giving them permission to continue to harm you. This might not be your intention, but it is certainly what they infer because you have done nothing to stop them. You might think you’re letting it go because you don’t want the hassle of an argument or you don’t want any more conflicts, but they see it as getting away with it so they will continue.

Don’t allow people to tell you that always forgiving is the only, the best, and the most evolved way to proceed. It isn’t. That is just indoctrination. It is nothing more than social engineering for nefarious reasons. None of which involves your well being or growth, let alone your happiness.

Anyone that at some point was at the receiving end of a narcissist will tell you that ultimately, the reason the bad times ended was because they created great distance between themselves and that arsehole. Forgiveness plays no part in that process. Distance does.

They want to confuse you with word salads, terminology, catch phrases etc. but the reality is that when you look at the foundational nuts and bolts of it, when you look at the mechanics of these situations you’ll find that the only way to stop the friction between two parts is to separate the two parts. This is true for mechanical parts, for nature, and also for people.

Forgiving the same person constantly, often for years or decades is ignoring reality and perpetuating the status quo. By doing this you are hurting yourself. That friction will wear at you over time until there is nothing left of you. If you ultimately create that distance but after a long time of being affected by it, there will be some permanent damage done to your psyche and even your spirit. This is difficult to impossible to repair, or fully overcome, even with the passing of time.

When contemplating how to proceed with a constant, regular aggressor in your life, remember that forgiveness usually just gives them free reign to continue to do it to you. This kind of individual doesn’t know any other way. This is the way they are so you can be sure that they will never change. Anyone that has ever been at the receiving end of an aggressor will confirm this.

Forgiveness is alright to do for a once off if you think that it’s OK to forgive a person for something that you feel was a mistake, just this one time. When it’s a constant, or the norm over years, then forgiveness is not the answer, distance is, then forgetting.

NOTE: I post these things because to me they are notes for my writings. It doesn’t mean that I am going through anything personally at this moment. Having said that, I have gone through all the things I write about, even the worst possible things you could ever imagine.

TONY JARRAH

AUTHOR OF
TAMING LIFE – HAPPINESS IS NOT A MYTH
“STRESS – UNDERSTANDING THE BATTLE WITHIN”

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All rights reserved.  © 2023 Tony Jarrah

My Battle With Fear

If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you a little story about my battle with the darkness of fear and depression.

It was so bad for me that depression, anxiety, and stress had taken complete control over me. This state lasted nearly a decade. I was suicidal for most of that time. I had always suffered from depression (40 years), but the last ten of those years were the worst.

It all started to change when I was riding my very powerful sports motorbike from Noosa to the Gold Coast. The ride was about 2.5 to 3 hours by freeway.

Continue reading

Stress, Anxiety & Depression

There are three states we can find ourselves in – the past, the present, or the future.

(The following description is based on having negative thoughts, as having positive thoughts won’t normally be a problem.)

When we spend too much time in the future, we worry, this brings about some degree of stress and anxiety because we FEAR a potentially negative outcome. If we spend too much time in this state, our stress can be debilitating, and the repercussions can be lethal at the extreme. In the less extreme, being a worrier, or stressful, can give us a very unpleasant 20, 30, 40 or 50 years of life. Continuous and long term stress is a habit. Continue reading

Anxiety

Hi Guys, a lot of you have been asking me why I haven’t been active on the net lately.  I have a good reason.  I have just finished writing my second book.  I can’t share any more details about it yet because I’ve yet to publish it on Amazon.  This book will also be available on paperback, and will happen sometime before the end of January 2017, so please keep an eye out for it.  I promise you it will be very informative and easy to read and follow.

Taming Life _ Happiness Is Not a Myth will also be available on paperback later this month, or February some time. Continue reading

The Meaning Of Life Stuff

Angel

I am sure that we’ve all been through hard times.  At times we feel that life is against us, that perhaps God is against us!  We feel that maybe we have done something in this, or in a previous life, that has come back to bite us in the butt. We must be paying for past sins.  After all, we’re not bad people, right?  So why are we having such a hard time?

We can go years feeling like this.  For some people, it’s a lifetime of pain and misery.  But why?  We don’t know.  So we suffer in silence.  Sometimes not in silence.  We fight it every day.  We get angry, maybe bitter, stressed, depressed, then resigned, perpetuating our pain and suffering.  But why?

Continue reading

Thoughts Have Power

Eighteen months ago I was homeless. I had no hopes, no job, no money, no resources…NOTHING.

One thing I did have though, was me, I had my mind, my thoughts. I didn’t allow myself to feel sorry for myself and drown in self pity. I was determined to change things for the better and to take steps so that this wouldn’t happen to me again. Continue reading

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