This is a simple analogy to describe what ideals are. Imagine a skyscraper being built not by a single architect but by thousands of independent bricklayers. None of them have the full picture. Each one lays bricks without consulting the others, adding their own touch, using different materials, colors, and techniques, all without an overarching blueprint. They’re all doing their best, but the end result is a building that’s uneven, confusing, and far from stable. Now, what if I told you that this chaotic construction process mirrors how many of us develop our ideals? This is often the reason for our problems, and it’s what happens when ideals trap you—because ideals are cobbled together, layer upon layer, piece by piece, and without us realizing, they can become invisible cages that shape, and sometimes limit, our lives.
Let’s start at the beginning: where do our ideals come from? For most people, it’s a mishmash of influences: they come from parents, teachers, friends, society, media, and even cultural narratives from childhood movies or books. These aren’t just people telling us directly what to believe or who to be; their ideals are often a reflection of the fragmented lives they lead. Imagine the ideals each teacher carries, drawn from their own experiences, backgrounds, and influences, all distinct from the others. Parents, too, have inherited a similar hodgepodge of values from their parents, who got them from their parents, and so on down the generations. By the time these ideals reach and influence us, they’re like a mosaic that’s been put together and contributed to by countless, often mismatched, pieces over many generations and sometimes even across multiple cultures.
When these ideals are installed in us from a young age, they feel like absolute truths to us, especially because they often seem to come from so many angles. As kids, we’re impressionable and looking for direction, so it’s easy to accept them as solid structures on which we can base our lives. But here’s the problem with that mentality: this foundation we’re building on is anything but solid. It’s a collection of bits and pieces, many of which were put together by people who themselves were figuring things out as they went. Over time, “When Ideals Trap You” becomes less of an abstract concept and more of a reality; you’re holding on to beliefs that might not even align with who you are or what you want, yet they subtly dictate your choices, your relationships, and your sense of worth.
One of the most dangerous aspects of unexamined ideals is that they are often invisible to us. You may think you’re living life according to your values, but in truth, some of those values were handed down to you without question. Think of how many times you’ve heard phrases like “sacrifice for family,” “work hard no matter what,” or “be selfless.” These sound noble, and often they are, but when they’re taken as rules rather than flexible guidelines, they can turn into invisible chains. Over time, you might feel like you’re carrying a weight you didn’t sign up for, or living a life that’s somehow removed from your true self. So if you feel confused and unsure about life, it may be because of your inherited and adopted, unquestioned ideals.
Consider the notion of loyalty, for instance. Loyalty to friends, family, or partners is often held up as an ideal, a cornerstone of “good” character. But loyalty that disregards your well-being, your growth, or your values can become a trap. You might stay in unhealthy relationships, or remain in situations that don’t serve you, simply because you’re sticking to an ideal that no longer aligns with the person you’ve become. The idea, or concept of “When Ideals Trap You” becomes especially relevant here because it’s easy to confuse loyalty with stagnation, with staying stuck in a place that you’ve long since outgrown.
There’s also the larger societal pressure that reinforces this trap. Society often celebrates those who stick to certain ideals—even at the cost of their happiness or freedom. People who “never give up” or “always put others first” are often seen as selfless heroes. But it’s essential to ask: are they truly happy, or are they acting out of obligation to ideals they feel they must uphold? Just like the mosaic or the skyscraper built without any overarching plan, the ideals shaping their lives may be beautiful in pieces, but together, they’re unsteady and unsustainable, mostly because they are not a designed or coherent set of ideals.
When you look at life this way, you begin to see how ideals might actually create an “invisible cage” around you. It’s as if the walls have been built so slowly over the years that you never noticed them forming. The trap becomes apparent only when you start to feel constricted, unable to move freely, make changes, or pursue new directions because you’re “supposed” to live a certain way. And breaking out isn’t easy—those walls of ideals can feel like the only thing holding you up, even as they’re boxing you in. This trap can be particularly harmful because most people are not even aware that they are trapped in it.
But the beautiful thing about recognizing when ideals trap you is that awareness is the first step toward freedom. Once you see the cage, you can start dismantling it piece by piece. This doesn’t mean throwing out all your values or ideals, but rather taking the time to see which ones truly fit you and which ones don’t. It’s about consciously choosing ideals that help you grow rather than those that keep you small.
Start by asking yourself questions: Does this ideal still serve me? Did I choose it consciously, or was it handed to me? Why do I have this ideal? Does it fit the life I want to live? With these questions, you’re acting as the architect of your own skyscraper, building a structure with purpose, stability, and a foundation that reflects who you are—not just who you were told to be. The mosaic you end up with won’t be a haphazard collection of beliefs; it’ll be a coherent design, one that allows for beauty, growth, and strength.
“When Ideals Trap You” is a concept that speaks to the heart of why so many people feel conflicted, trapped, or disconnected from themselves. By understanding the origins of our ideals and recognizing that not all are meant to last a lifetime, we free ourselves to build a life that’s ours, from the ground up. The process might take time, but the result is worth it: a life that’s genuinely yours, without walls that were never meant to be there in the first place.
About the author:
Tony Jarrah is an Author from Melbourne, Australia.
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