Empaths and Narcissists

Life has a way of teaching us lessons, sometimes in the harshest of ways. People come into our lives, and over time, they reveal themselves for who they truly are. These people can be broadly categorized as the takers and the givers, or empaths and narcissists. There are patterns in the way people behave, and once you see those patterns clearly, it becomes impossible to ignore them.

The Takers

If we were to look at people in broad strokes, we might find that they often fall into one of a few categories. First, there are the takers. These are the people who, when given the chance, will grab whatever they can get. They care very little for others and are quick to step over anyone who stands between them and what they want, including those who are close to them. Often, some of them don’t even need what they take—they’ll grab it simply because it’s there. They thrive on seeing others bend to their will.

The Givers

Then there are the givers. These are the ones who seem to be the polar opposite of the takers. Givers can’t help themselves—they give their time, their energy, even their possessions to others. Sometimes, they give to their own detriment, even sacrificing their well-being to ensure others are taken care of. It’s not uncommon for a giver to keep giving to those who’ve wronged them, hoping that this time it’ll be different, that the person on the receiving end will appreciate the kindness and reciprocate.

It’s easy to see how the relationship between the takers and the givers can get complicated. Like the old fable of the scorpion and the frog, the takers can’t help but take, and the givers can’t help but give, even when they know it might not end well for them.

The Empaths

Then we have the empaths. These people feel everything deeply. They can sense what others are going through, often carrying the emotional weight of others without even trying. Empaths are usually givers too, because once they understand someone’s pain or need, they feel compelled to help. But this deep understanding can take a toll. Over time, the weight of the entanglement between empaths and narcissists becomes too much, and they may start to wish they could just turn it off—they wish they could stop seeing people so clearly, stop feeling everything so intensely. Unfortunately, like the other categories, this is a part of their nature, it is in their DNA, in their soul energy to be like this. They can’t stop feeling, even when they want to.

The Narcissists

And finally, there are the narcissists. These are the worst of the bunch. Narcissists are often manipulators, experts in drawing people in, particularly givers and empaths. They know exactly how to push the right buttons to get what they want, and they do so without remorse. They’re like spiders, carefully weaving webs to trap their victims, and they’re especially good at spotting people who will give and forgive. Narcissists can range from simple manipulators to full-blown sociopaths or psychopaths. Once they’ve got someone in their sights, they’ll stop at nothing until they’ve drained them dry.

It’s not uncommon for givers and empaths to find themselves surrounded by takers and narcissists. The narcissists find them easy prey, using their kindness and compassion against them. And it’s a cycle that can take years—sometimes decades—to break free from. At some point, after being drained by one person too many, givers start to develop a sixth sense for narcissists. They become able to spot them a mile away, to feel the manipulation before it even begins. And when they do, they often lose all tolerance for these people. At this point empaths and narcissists engage in a very different way, in a way that balances things out.

Giving To The Point of Exhaustion

In life, it’s these encounters that can leave the deepest scars. People who have been at the receiving end of narcissists and takers for years often find themselves exhausted, not just emotionally but physically as well. They look back at their lives and realize that the ones they’ve trusted the most—the ones they’ve given to without hesitation—have often been the ones who’ve hurt them the most. It’s a hard reality to come to terms with.

Take, for example, a person who has spent years being a giver, someone who’s always been there for friends and family, offering time, support, love, and understanding. Over time, they may notice that those closest to them have changed. Maybe a friend who was once kind and considerate becomes rude and withdrawn. Maybe a family member starts taking advantage of their kindness. It’s confusing at first, but as the pattern becomes clear, the giver realizes that what they’ve been offering isn’t being respected.

It’s not just about one or two incidents—it’s about years of giving, years of putting others first, and getting very little in return. For many, this realization comes later in life. Maybe they spent their younger years believing that if they just kept giving, things would eventually get better, that people would recognize their kindness and start treating them with respect. But as time goes on, they learn the hard truth: some people never change.

Setting Boundaries

It’s during this time that many givers and empaths start setting boundaries. They begin to realize that they’ve been too tolerant of others’ disrespect, too willing to forgive when forgiveness wasn’t earned. And slowly but surely, they start cutting people out of their lives. It’s not out of bitterness or anger, but rather self-preservation. They’ve been burned too many times, and they can’t afford to keep letting the same people hurt them over and over again.

Some might think this is harsh, but it’s not. It’s survival. After years of being on the receiving end of other people’s narcissism or thoughtlessness, a person starts to understand that they deserve better. They understand the complexities in the relationship between empaths and narcissists. They deserve relationships that are built on mutual respect, not one-sided giving. And so they stop tolerating the takers, the narcissists, the ones who don’t respect them. They stop making excuses for people’s bad behavior and start protecting their own peace.

Reflections, Shifts, and Changes

This kind of shift often happens in midlife, when a person has enough life experience to see the patterns clearly. They’ve had time to reflect on the relationships that have caused them pain and the role they’ve played in allowing that pain to continue. They come to terms with the fact that, while they may not be responsible for other people’s actions, they are responsible for how they react to them. And that’s a hard pill to swallow.

Looking back, they might realize that they’ve often reacted poorly to these situations. Maybe they lashed out in anger, saying things they regret, or maybe they withdrew completely, disappearing from people’s lives without explanation. They may feel guilty for the way they handled things, but at the same time, they know they did what they had to do to protect themselves. Life can be a hard teacher, but definitely a thorough one.

The beautiful Isolation

In the end, the givers may find themselves in a place where they have no contact with family or old friends. It’s not that they didn’t try to maintain those relationships, but rather that they were tired of being disrespected. They’ve made peace with the fact that not all relationships are meant to last, and that sometimes the healthiest thing to do is to walk away.

For many, the goal becomes finding peace. They start dreaming of a simpler life, away from the drama and toxicity between the empaths and narcissists that once filled their days. They envision themselves in a quiet place, maybe a coastal town with warm weather, where they can live out the rest of their days in tranquility. No more jobs, no more demanding relationships, no more being at the mercy of others’ moods and manipulations. Just peace, and perhaps a loving companion by their side, as well as, perhaps, a loyal dog. It’s a dream shared by many who’ve lived through the turmoil of toxic relationships and finally reached the other side.

Passing Down The Wisdom

But for some, the journey doesn’t end there. They feel compelled to take what they’ve learned and share it with others. Maybe they start writing, pouring their experiences into words in the hope that someone, somewhere, will read them and feel less alone. They want to leave behind a legacy, something that speaks to the struggles they’ve endured and the lessons they’ve learned. Writing becomes not just a way to process their pain, but also a way to help others who might be going through the same thing.

And that’s the beauty of it, really. Through all the pain, through all the struggles, there’s a chance to turn those experiences into something meaningful. To create something that might just help someone else find their own path to peace. And isn’t that, in the end, what life is really about?

---

You can heal your life.  You have nothing to lose, and remember,

Thoughts Have Power.

---

All rights reserved.  © 2024 Tony Jarrah