Idealism vs. Reality is a clash that many of us experience, especially those with big dreams, high expectations, and a desire for the world to be better. It’s the struggle between how we imagine life could be and how life actually is. For idealists, this difference can feel overwhelming, like a constant battle with the world around them. If you’ve ever felt that gut-wrenching disappointment when your expectations meet harsh reality, you know what I’m talking about.
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These days, it’s hard to look around and not wonder, “Does honesty live?” In a world that seems driven by spin, half-truths, and blatant lies, honesty often feels like an old-fashioned concept. We’ve all had those moments when we’ve caught someone saying one thing and doing another, and we’re left shaking our heads, wondering how common decency and integrity took such a nosedive. The truth has become a kind of rarity, something many of us crave but rarely see, leaving us to wonder whether it even has a place in modern life.
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If you’re someone who’s always drawn to fixing others, you’ll know that breaking the cycle of being a fixer is easier said than done. It’s one of those things that starts with good intentions—you see someone struggling, and something in you says, “I can help.” So you dive in, you start peeling back the layers, digging into their pain, listening deeply. They feel understood, maybe for the first time, and you feel like you’re making a difference. But somewhere along the way, after much pain and suffering of your own, you start feeling that breaking the cycle of being a fixer starts feeling like something you “need” to do, not just something you want to do.
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You’ve got to ask yourself—how many times have you missed a valuable lesson in life because you were too distracted by who was delivering it? That’s the core of the lesson. We get so caught up in our own egos, so concerned with appearances or tone, that we forget what’s really important. It’s not about where the truth comes from. It’s not about how it’s delivered, or whether it came from someone you respect or someone who rubbed you the wrong way. What matters is the truth itself—the lesson life is trying to teach you in that moment.
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Life is a journey of growth, and sometimes that path is littered with experiences that test the core of who we are. Often, those tests reveal parts of ourselves we may not even recognize—parts that fester in the background, only surfacing under pressure. These moments, when confronted with brutal honesty, can push us to become better versions of ourselves. For some, it might take decades to confront the buried anger, fear, or shame that has shaped much of their existence. But when the light of awareness shines on those dark corners, a transformation begins—a process of taming the beast within.
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There is an old fable that tells a powerful truth about people and their nature. In The Scorpion and the Frog, a scorpion asks a frog to carry him across the river. At first, the frog hesitates. He knows what the scorpion is capable of, and he doesn’t want to be stung. But the scorpion argues, “If I sting you, we’ll both drown.” The frog thought about it for a minute and felt that the scorpion’s plea sounded reasonable enough, so he agrees to take the him across the river. Midway through the crossing, the frog feels a breathtakingly, painful and sudden sting right in the middle of his back, the likes of which he has ever felt, .
As the poison takes effect and they begin to sink, the frog, in disbelief, looks up at the scorpion asks, “Why did you sting me? Now we’ll both die.” The scorpion’s reply is as cold as it is simple: “I can’t help myself. It’s in my nature.”
Life has a way of teaching us lessons, sometimes in the harshest of ways. People come into our lives, and over time, they reveal themselves for who they truly are. These people can be broadly categorized as the takers and the givers, or empaths and narcissists. There are patterns in the way people behave, and once you see those patterns clearly, it becomes impossible to ignore them.
If we were to look at people in broad strokes, we might find that they often fall into one of a few categories. First, there are the takers. These are the people who, when given the chance, will grab whatever they can get. They care very little for others and are quick to step over anyone who stands between them and what they want, including those who are close to them. Often, some of them don’t even need what they take—they’ll grab it simply because it’s there. They thrive on seeing others bend to their will.
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This blog is very different to my other blogs. Something massive just hit me in this last week of September, 2024. I’m not sure exactly when as I’ve completely lost track of space and time. I’m in a daze. I have lost all my strong, negative emotions, and even the thoughts of such things. I literally feel like my mind is completely empty at the moment. This is very strange and a first for me.
I feel like I am in the middle of a resetting in preparation for a new reality. Stage one of which is a total wipe down, an emptying of everything out. The next stage, lets the dust settle to avoid further trauma or fear, which may lead to resistance. The final stage loads a new version of me into this avatar. As I write this, I feel like I am in stage two. This is very weird.
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There is a thought that much of our suffering comes from a lack of enlightenment and from resisting life. This is something that really hits home when you think about it.
Life has a natural flow, like a river moving downstream, and when we resist it, when we try to fight against the current, that’s where the struggle begins.
The more we push back against this perceived struggle—whether it’s through holding on to past pain, refusing to accept change, or resisting the reality of our situation—the harder life seems to get. This is a battle we can never win because life is always moving, always changing. Life is bigger than us. However, there is light at the end of a very long tunnel. When we learn to move with life, instead of against it, things start to shift. We may not always get what we want, but the suffering from resistance softens.
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People have been telling us for decades that we should forgive others for our sakes, not for others’ sakes. Forgiveness, apparently, is for ourselves. It is there that we will find peace.
For many years the school system has been telling you that if your child is bullied at school he is not permitted to stand up for himself. They say “we don’t tolerate violence”.
The problem is that the bully bullies everyone, every day, and the schools do nothing to stop that bully. I’ve had this discussion with a many principals, teachers, and year coordinators over the years. It is always the same thing, “violence is never OK“. It seems that it is OK for the bully to terrorise all the kids he wants. On the other hand, the victims, are never permitted to defend themselves. because in that case “violence is not OK“.
© 2024 Tony Jarrah
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